Been a while since I did one of these... I guess it's time for an update, partly because it's been so long since my last one and at some point I wanted to do these regularly. Mostly this is to get things out of my head.
Been a long time, and not just the fact that I haven't written one of these in a long time... The last few years were a crazy ride... Spending the last five years mostly homeless, moving from couch to couch trying to make ends meet and keep myself and my (former) love fed.
I had decided to go all in for the one I loved, despite the advice of my friends and family, and even my own intuition. It worked for a while, I guess.
There were signs, but I chose to ignore them... I suppose I thought things would work out, get better... yeah... That didn't happen... I guess its better than the way things could have ended up, but by no means did it turn out like I had hoped for.
I gave my heart to someone I thought would cherish it, but they stuck it on a shelf like a trophy and threw it out when they decided it was taking up too much room.
So now, here I sit, alone with the shards of a broken heart wondering how many more years it will be before it's pieced together, wondering if I'll ever find someone who will even want this abused and broken thing that used to be a heart...
I'm tired of losing friends and family... I'm tired of being used... I'm tired of being ignored... but mostly, I'm just tired...
I gave everything I had to give love a chance, I almost lost myself in the process. Part of me misses the companionship, part of me doesn't miss watching the one I cared for so deeply give themselves to every cute face that came along. Mostly though, I now look to the future, alone and afraid, hoping, praying, that things might finally be able to improve.